Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
