i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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