I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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