So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
A+ Viking dick
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
