Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
His hands were made for my vagina.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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