Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
