It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
