it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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