I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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