Pants 0. Shit 1.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
