Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
