She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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