My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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