Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
