she told me i tasted like america
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize