CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
