So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
