i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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