i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
BRING THE BAGELS
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
