I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
