SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I am mentally ready for anal.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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