she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
