so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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