Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
