C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
