you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
