The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize