O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
