i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
