am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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