I think i peed on brittanys purse
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
