Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
