I just pynch a tree in the face
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
