just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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