We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
