Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
