hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
