oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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