First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
