they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
