Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
