Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
