I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize