you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
