That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
