glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So here I am, sexting at work.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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