This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
