I think I died a long time ago.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
