There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
