Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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