3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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