and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
