I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
