Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
