Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
