some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
