fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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