lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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