I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize