I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
