Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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