i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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