so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
