The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
