Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize