Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
