we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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