I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
