She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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