I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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