four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
