I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
