Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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