I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
we're so committed to being not committed
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
