dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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