an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
