none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
