i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
