Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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