Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
