so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Are my feet made of real feet?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
