Say something about gay babies.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
