My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
