even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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