so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
