Where are you?
In a non slutty way
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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