Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
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