oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
