It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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