If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
