im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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