"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
