I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
