Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
