If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
