Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
