Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize