I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
The air taste purple.
Randomize
