It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
