Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
